Daughter in law won t let me in delivery room

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Daughter in law won t let me in delivery room

I have also not been invited to the hospital when the baby is born. I have to wait two weeks to visit after the baby is born. My daughter in law's family will also be at the hospital.

None of my family has been invited. I have not been asked to stay at all. I was not even invited to the baby shower. I am just as much a grandmother to this baby as is my daughter's mom, so why am I being treated like a second class citizen? It is not right. I have talked to my son about this and he says that she is closer to her mom and he just doesn't want any arguments, but I am so hurt. I have friends with married sons and from their stories, it is the norm for daughters in law to shut out their mother in laws like this.

I never did this to my mother in law. You are not this girl's mother. Of course she doesn't want you in the delivery room and of course her mother is going to stay with them.

Being a first time mom is a very nerve wracking thing and you want those closest to you and for women, that means their mom, not mom in law. What don't you get about that? Let me tell you a story about my mom and her mother in law. All during my mom's pregnancy with me, her mother in law badgered her. Then on the day my mom and dad brought me home from the hospital, after my mom had endured a 35 hour labor, during which she lost a lot of blood, my dad's mom invited the whole family over for a party.

My mom saw this and went ballistic.

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She finally told my dad's mom what she thought of her, how miserable she made her feel throughout her pregancy. It created a huge rift in the family that has never healed and is talked about to this day, 27 years later. I applaud my mom for standing up for herself and if you don't watch it, mom in law, you may be out in the cold more than you are already. I am not a mother in law but I have one and we do not have a good relationship however my mother in law has said the most vicious hate full thing and continues so I do not speak with her nor dose her own family because we are all tired of the constant problems she creates.

I can understand your daughter in law not wanting anyone other then her mother and husband in the delivery room. Sorry to say and no offense but I would not feel comfortable with my mother in law in the room even if we had a good relationship.

Even though you feel that her mother is getting special treatment that is based on their relationship.

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We only get one mother and I am sorry but a mother in law can not take the place of your own mother. I think that is out of line. As far as you not being invited over the house or. It sounds like she is upset with something you might have done or said. No one. Since your son is playing both sides against the middle with the two of you.

Which you seem to be OK with that and he is. I am sorry that you are hurt and maybe she took something you said the wrong way but, you are still the mother of her husband and your son should show you some respect as if he doesn't how can she respect you? If your son "dosn't want any arguments" then he would look to have peace between you and her.

Why not ask why you were not invited to the shower as I am sure who ever gave her the shower and sent the invitations questioned why you were not to be invited Let her know you would like to know if you did something or if she is upset with you. I would like to know why you do not hold your son accountable for his lack of interest toward your feelings.DIL is 8 months pregnant with my grand child and she said i'm not allowed to see my grand child be born but her mother is allowed, its my grandchild and i dont think its fair that her mums allowed to see my grand child be born and im not.

My son is trying to keep the peace but im very upset about this! Its not fair that i have to wait to see my grand child? After all i will see that baby more than her mother as i only live 5 minute's away from son and DIL her mother lives 16 miles away so i will be more involed and will see my grand child more than her. I have lots of gifts for my grand child and have bought lots of baby thing that are being kept in my house for when i babysit my grandchild. DIL said that i wont get to babysit for a couple of years but i was hoping i would get some bonding time with my grandchild I don't understand why my dil is being so selfish after all its my grandchild, and she wouldnt even be pregnant if it wasn't for my son what can i do?

I understand that your hurt right now but try to take minute to step back and see the situation from a different perspective. I'm sure your DIL has very good reasons for not wanting you in the DIL and I can imagine several reasons that would have nothing to do with you. She may be uncomfortable with her body and not want others to see, she may be scared and want only her closest family there, she may understand that having a baby is a pretty messy process and is uncomfortable with others seeing her like that.

Try to understand that it's not a stranger she wants in her room, it's her mom. The woman who raised her and makes her feel safe and comfortable. Try not to take it so personal or worry so much.

Has she requested you not be in the hospital at all or just the room? You will be able to see baby soon enough. As for the baby sitting just understand she has different ideas of parenting than you. Is she a new mother?

Is this her first baby? She's probably nervous for her baby and she currently has a bunch of hormones all over the places telling her she has to do anything to keep her baby safe. Most importantly take a step back and understand while becoming a grandparent is an awesome thing, it's not about you. It's about her and her baby.

Do your best to respect her wishes, be there to offer support and encouragement. This is a brand new scary time for her! Child birth is not a demonstration to be watched by so many people. In certain hospitals no third party is allowed other than the husband to be present at the delivery time. Even Dil's mother should not have been there unless she is a Doctor or a qualified retired nurse. The hospital administration should not have made this an event for gossip by so many ladies being present there.

With regard to baby sitting let the child's mother to decide who should undertake this important job. It is a good thing that you have bought so many gifts to the baby which you can give as presents when the baby comes home with the mother. You have got upset because you were little jealous of her mother being allowed to be present which is an unwanted thing. More than you your daughter in law might get upset if she comes to know that you have made this a big issue.

In today climate it's great to hear that a Grandmother is looking forward to the arrival of her Grandchild, however, your being a little over sensitive.

daughter in law won t let me in delivery room

This type of behaviour is what usually drives a wedge between family members that some times goes on for decades causing needless pain on both sides, and so many special events are missed. You mentioned that you lived closer, and so unlike the other Grandmother will be free to just drop by whenever it takes your fancy. Watching the birth is not the be all and end all of this wonderful event, isn't that your getting a healthy Grandchild enough? Continually badgering your son about being in the delivery room might not only turn you into a grumpy Grandmother, but start a up hill battle with not only your daughter in law but also her family too.

These type of situation usually take on a life of their own, and before we know it, there's a huge void left in certain parties lives, and I'd hate it to be yours.

Congratulations on going to be a Grandmother soon first and foremost. Honestly you sound sort of selfish.Thanks for creating an account!

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As a reminder, you can change your profile and email settings in your profile. Return to browsing View account. There are too many excellent and crazy advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week.

Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists and subreddits addressed in recent days. My son, Steven, and daughter-in-law, Julia, are expecting their first child and our first grandchild next month.

Help! I Don’t Want My Mother-In-Law in the Delivery Room!

I had what I thought was a good relationship with Julia, but I find myself devastated. Julia has decided only Steven and her mother will be allowed in the delivery room when she gives birth. I was stunned and hurt by the unfairness of the decision and tried to plead with her and my son, but Julia says she "wouldn't feel comfortable" with me there.

I reminded her that I was a nurse for 40 years, so there is nothing I haven't seen. I've tried to reason with Steven, but he seems to be afraid of angering Julia and will not help. I called Julia's parents and asked them to please reason with their daughter, but they brusquely and rather rudely got off the phone. I've felt nothing but heartache since learning I would be banned from the delivery room. Steven told me I could wait outside and I would be let in after Julia and the baby are cleaned up and "presentable.

It is so unfair. I've always been close to my son, but I no longer feel valued. I cannot bring myself to speak to Julia.My wife Anna I have been together for six years, married for four. I always told her that my mom would want to be there, that it would mean a lot to her.

My mom and my wife get along really well. My mom absolutely adores my wife and showers her with gifts and affection. When she went into labor she told me not to call anyone. She said we would make all the phone calls once the baby arrived and she my wife had rested and was up for visitors. At one point during the labor I left the room and called my mom to tell her the baby was coming. Of course she drove right over to the hospital. When she got here she found the delivery room and came in, all smiles and happy as can be.

But my wife flipped her shit. She started shrieking and demanding that my mom and I both leave. The nurses forces us out. I only know that my daughter is here because one of the nurses came out to tell me. I missed the birth of my child because my wife was being selfish. My mother is heartbroken and keeps asking why my wife hates her. How can I even begin to remedy this situation?

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How do I talk to my wife about her behavior today? TL;DR- my wife threw me and my mother out of the delivery room. What do I do? His wife consistently told him that she did not want anyone else in the delivery room with them. Before they fell pregnant she told him this.

Help! Why Won’t My Daughter-in-Law Let Me in the Delivery Room?

But then, after being roundly scolded by other redditors, the husband dropped this little pearl of wisdom. This should have been a special time for the couple, becoming parents for the first time together.

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But he ruined it with his disrespect and total lack of regard for his wife, the soon-to-be mother of his child. I really, sincerely, hope that the couple are able to work through this and move on from all of this hurt and anger. And his dear mummy.

daughter in law won t let me in delivery room

You can read all the comments from the Reddit post created after the husband deleted his original post hopefully in a moment of shame as he realised the pain his actions caused his wife here. Your email address will not be published.

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I agree to these terms. No thanks, I like it here under my rock.

Mother In Law Gatecrashes the Delivery Room – Oh Hell No!

Generic selectors. Exact matches only. Search in title. Search in content. Search in excerpt. Search in posts. Search in pages.The grandmother-to-be described how the arrangement had caused a rift in her relationship with the family:. I cannot bring myself to speak to [my daughter-in-law]. I say this in the hopes that, after the initial flush of indignation fades, you will be braced and supported by the realization that you have been acting badly and that you need to change.

Your daughter-in-law is giving birth, which is a pretty difficult, painful, and intimate process.

daughter in law won t let me in delivery room

She has every right to plan ahead for just how many people she wants to be in the room for that. You are going to get to see your grandchild the day they are born. Nothing is being taken from you. You are not being snubbed. Do not rob this moment of its joy by keeping score and demanding more. You must be logged in to post a comment. Search for.

India Moorhouse February 6, You are entirely in the wrong! The advice columnist continued: I say this in the hopes that, after the initial flush of indignation fades, you will be braced and supported by the realization that you have been acting badly and that you need to change. Loss of a Loved One Tragedy. Adversity Loss of a Child Tragedy. Related Articles. Being Pregnant Family. Family Raising Kids. Leave a comment You must be logged in to post a comment. Facebook Instagram Twitter Linkedin Pinterest.

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daughter in law won t let me in delivery room

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